Wishing I could shut the connection off between my brain and my heart, or at least convince my brain not to give in to my heart so often. Feeling desperate, lonely or inadequate. Often times feeling all of the above all at the same time. Listening to lyrics that make me yearn for someone that will miss me, miss my voice, think about me, have passion for me.
I have this daily struggle of should I keep looking for should I give up and just be 'mom.' How much is too much and how long do I or should I have to wait? When will I find someone and when will I know? I am so impatient and hate surprises or prolonging things, but I know I have to in certain instances, but I am so tired of waiting. I don't want to be a place holder or the filling of a void while suppressing what the real issue is. I want to be a partner to someone so that I can be their biggest fan, someone that strives to be better and makes the effort to be a good man, father, partner, all of the above. I am willing and ready. But, can't seem to find someone that is on the same page. When we are there, It should be easy. I just wish the journey was easier.
I guess I will just keep on keepin' on.
